Attachment

So... what happens when you have a job, busy life, friends, family and suddenly your dreams come true and you adopt two beautiful children?  What happens when attachment is in question? What happens when being a mom is way harder than you thought and being a parent gets in the way of your career.

I sure wish I  had read what I'm about to say over the next month-before I adopted but would I have changed my mind- NO.. I guess that is the most important part. 

But,  in the next month I'm going to talk about the really hard stuff about adopting 2 kids at the same time.  

The fact remains no matter how much homework I  did- no matter how involved I as  in the communities (both adoption and Ethiopian), no matter how much I thought I was ready- I was not. 

The changes were un-imaginable.  Becoming a parent was challenging, attaching to my children -still challenging.  

Perhaps I won't be the best mom in the world- actually I've given up that dream- and my new posts are going to be about- what happens when you are not the "best?"  In our society there is so much perceived and actual pressure to be the best mom, to have the best kids.  Well- I have neither-but despite my attachment  challenges with them, despite the difficulties with in my family because I'm challenged by this, despite the fact that yes my kids get in trouble at school and socially.. despite it all.. I will never walk away from my children and push they do.. push and push and push.. society pushes too.. but for the first time in my life- I am fighting.

Am I the average loving, helpful- delirious over my children mom- NO.  I'm not.  Do I wish they had that- yes I do.  But I feel it's time to talk about this. I have hidden from society, I have stepped out of the "limelight" but it's time to be strong.. because in the end.. maybe my experience can help somebody else.. and say.. It's okay. It's okay if this is hard. It's okay if it's doesn't come naturally. It's okay if you have to work at it every day, every moment for the rest of your life... it's okay if your life changes so much that you don't recognize it... 

I'm here.. despite it all --- to say--- It's okay and yes even after 2 years 8 months-becoming a mom has not come naturally to me.

Be not inhospitable to strangers lest they be angels in disguise!

This past week my family and I went on vacation to smugglers notch in Vermont.  It's one of our favorite places to vacation.   Having some down time-I was excited to think about the Non-profit I have started- Hayel Kids aid.   I have been feeling really down about some things in the management of it- and wanted to think through and consider what to do with it.

The good news is that there are so many people trying to make a difference in Ethiopia now - and with the influx in adoptions and the increasing stability of the countries infrastructure it is now more possible to affect change.  Why do these things matter- because there is enough interest and understanding to request funds and enough order now to manage potential corruption and prohibit it.    But to really make this difference -takes a ton of energy, time and involvement.  I need to be in Ethiopia more, I need to be in the public eye more and I need to have time and energy for my family too! With the news of the drought and many other non-profit activities sometimes I wonder - is fighting to educate these children (near and dear to my heart might I add) really what I want to put my energy into. 

The answer- is YES.  YES I do! When these children are eating and healthy from the other non-profits helping out- what next?  Education. Education is so necessary for this generation of children in Ethiopia.  Empower a nation through Education. Yes this is what we need to do.  Yes-We need people in this world to focus on now and Yes it's difficult to focusing on "then".  It is difficult to focus on something less tangible like Education.. but these children need a then. They need somebody that says... You have been helped with having a future-but we haven't forgotten you.. let's work together and guarantee you and your country a better future! A future of educated citizens-making better choices for their nation.  Yes- we need this.. we need to empower this nation through education- and Yes Kim- you can do this!!!

So what was the problem then?  I gave every penny of the money we gathered last September to the children in need and did not host a fund-raiser this year.  With that build up- let me tell you what happened... what little miracle happened...

I was with my husband- on our first day of  vacation - we  had just dropped our children off at camp and were wondering- what do we do with our time.. hmmm no kids.  We sat next to this woman who was sitting alone and just started a wonderful conversation.  Life, vacation.. what do you do..etc etc.. eventually Hayel Kids Aid came up. More in a way of - this is what I am trying to do but I'm a little discouraged with the famine and how to really help people but with a clear message that I am continuing to try but was excited that my kids were going back to school so I could focus again on this!   That my first goal was to make my non-profit an officially recognized 501c3-and that meant a fundraiser event or something but it needed to happen if I wanted to move forward! 

Would you believe she donated the money? The entire amount to file federally!  It's been 7 days and I can't believe our fortune.. how lucky Hayel's children are- to have such amazing and giving people in this world. 

 I am forever grateful that events like this happen -thanks again to all of those who keep random acts of kindness in their hearts.  

But this week-this week- I'm particularly thrilled that this happening for Hayel (and me)!  There's nothing more empowering than another person saying- You can do this! 

So please if you think of anything today..consider the following:

Be not inhospitable to strangers lest they be angels in disguise!


Last year's angel built a science lab- please see below. This year- we are going 501c3. 

20th High School Reunion

Below I'd love to share with you a photo that is currently warming my heart tonight.

Meet some of the wonderful men and women I went to school with many years ago.

Making memories, New and Old